I have decided that ASU could throw ANYTHING......and I really mean it, ANYTHING, and I wouldn't even flinch.....just "ok.......how?" I suppose that is a good thing, when I read that, but I mean to show the numbness my life has accepted. I am so burnt out, it is time for the semester to end. This is the last full week of school, and I am SO happy about that, I can barely wait for summer!
I figure, this is the biggest reason I am in Chemical Engineering. I need to learn how to face these hard things, and continue onwards, and upwards. I have learned so many good principles that keep me from procrastination, and everyday I somehow find the strength, and the courage to face a new level of work. I suppose maybe this makes it sound worse than it is. I know so many people doing so much more than me, but I have to say, that this is more than I, have ever done. For this reason, I feel proud!
I am taking myself on a quest, that somewhat relates to my last post, but it is too hard to explain how. I have so many questions, questions that need answers. I am tired of the majority of my questions being rhetorical, they want answers, and somehow..... I will find them. Let the fantabulous quest begin :D
PS Fungi, are FANTASTIC!
Friday, April 3, 2009
I recently discovered that there is at least one person who sometimes looks at my blog. I think I am ok with that :D but I deffinatly changed my attitude about what I put on here in my last blog post, and so I it makes me nervous to be so serious for fear that it will not be taken the way I want :S. Anyway, this post really is about an update into my life.
I am still in school, at it is SO hard. I think being a Junior in Chemical Engineering, is finally catching up to me. I most deffinatly spend way too much time at home doing homework, and WAY not enough time playing with my inner child, and my friends!!!! I try to explain sometimes what the homework is like, but usually people don't believe me! They think I am exaggerating (which i guess I might a little, but not much i swear) so I shall not attempt, let's just be satisfied with "it's hard!"
Boys, boys, boys.......needs I say more? Honestly and truthfully, this ONE subject I hate putting in public......Therefore.....you are going to have to ask me personally there, and I might not even answer then, because half the time i'm not even sure what is going on!
Work? I still teach piano. My number of students has been reduced to 14, which i like a lot more than 20. I think 20 is to many for my situation in life right now.
Now for the cheese......brace your self! I made the most beautiful discovery this week. Something I wish i could share with Binx, though I doubt he would listen. In fact, it is something I wish I could share with you, but I don't know how! The last few weeks I have been feeling burdened, and facing Life has been getting harder and harder every day. I made it worse, by trying to understand what was making me this way, and when I had no good excuse for feeling down.....I would get more angry/mad/frustrated and thus more "burdened" because I HAD no good reason, so why was I mopping in the first place? It occurred to me, that I lack a huge amount of self trust. I don't trust myself to make decisions that will make me happy, and I don't trust myself to choose what emotions I want to feel. I don't trust myself to find the answers to questions......
Needless to say....I am trusting now. I am trying to care if I make a mistake, because I am trusting to believe that I can find a way to eternal happiness. And most importantly, I am happier than I have been in weeks..... More importantly, Matt 11:28-30......an absolute classic, and a lifeline in every way.....